Millennial Marriage
My purpose today is to kill a "sacred cow"...
And by "sacred cow" I mean a long held idea that could actually ruin your marriage. It is the idea of a soul mate – that one special person who was made just for you and you for them. (This is the part where I kill the "sacred cow"). You will never find your soul mate. Why? Because they don't exist - at least, not yet. Though the idea of a soul mate may be romantically appealing at first, it can be detrimental to the lasting ability of a marriage relationship. There are a few reasons why this is so: first, I suspect that many who have this mindset, hold the expectation that because they married their soul mate, there will be continuous marital satisfaction, not taking into account that life is going to be challenging and their partner will not always be perfect. With this expectation of continuous marital satisfaction comes the idea that if troubles do arise and the couple isn't happy, it obviously means that they didn't marry their soul mate and thus need to go out and find their soul mate. Clearly, this leads to huge marital discord such as unfaithfulness and potentially divorce; both of which are devastating to a marriage and may ultimately bring about its premature end. The idea of soul mates is even dangerous to the unwed too - by way of preventing action. If you felt that you needed to find your soul mate to be married and haven't found that perfect person yet, you may spend your entire life wandering in search of a being that simply doesn't exist. Possibly passing up an opportunity for a very happy marital relationship with a potential "soul mate-in-training". "But wait, Katherine" you say, "you just told me soul mates don't exist!" I said they didn't exist yet . I didn't say they never will exist. Let me explain. I don't believe that soul mates exist from the start - but I do believe that you and your spouse can become each other's soul mates. Think of this - part of the purpose of marriage is uniting two souls as one; each soul is unique with individual tendencies, quirks and short comings. Marriage binds these two souls so that they may become one, with each spouse seeking to put the needs of the other above their own. Granted, because each soul is significantly different, this process of becoming one will take a life time and beyond, requiring time, work and sacrifice in the other's behalf. That couple may experience great hardship, but instead of the destructive thinking that it is because they didn't marry their soul mate, they can look at it as the growing process as "soul mate's-in-training"! This shift in mindset isn't the work of a moment; in fact, it could take months or even years! It is a daily conscious decision to choose to love your spouse despite their idiosyncrasies (more on this in another post). Don't forget - you have them too!It is looking past their flaws and choosing to look for the good you saw when you first started loving them. As you focus on becoming soul mates, you will find you are less inclined to run from hardship in your marriage and more inclined to work together with your spouse. This will bring greater happiness and satisfaction in your current marital relationship, which in turn will bring a marriage of a lifetime of love. Remember: the beauty of becoming soul mates happens because of choice, not because of chance.
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